Jumbo Dump

Okay, Comedy Fans. Here’s a book you just have to buy: Eugene Mirman’s “The Will To Whatevs”. It’s not only top tier funny but it will also raise you to a Level 26 Human. It worked for me, it can work for you. There’s advice on all aspects of life and after-life. From school, career, family, nightlife, death and beyond, there’s nothing not covered. In fact, there’s so many good tips for surviving High School, I’m considering going back. Especially now since my pubes have grown in. So, BUY THIS BOOK!

Anyway, we were able to ask Eugene Mirman about his book and other stuff via e-mail. Here’s the interview:

Jumbo Dump: Your book is very funny, but I have to say it’s as good as anything Retarded Mark Twain ever wrote. Did it take long to write? It seems like it must have, being so perfect and all.
Eugene Mirman: Yes. I spent fifty years on it. Two of those years were “human years” and the rest were fruit fly years, or about an hour and a half. So the book took about two years plus an hour and a half or so.

JD: Was there a lot of research involved, or are you more like a modern-day Edgar Cayce-type channeler?
EM: Oddly enough I did do a great deal of research. I wanted to get things a little wrong and to do that I had to find out the correct answers first.

JD: You say in the book that you’re qualified to write a life guide because “qualification” is an attitude you’ve adopted. Therefore you’re qualified. Can this attitude work in other areas of life as well? Job searching, perhaps? It certainly would make resumes shorter.
EM: In the instance of advice giver, qualification is very ephemeral, and some practitioners seem to be coming from a place of self-granted expertise. However, outside of spiritual and psychological jobs, I’m not sure it would be okay to claim you can fly an airplane or practice law, especially if you can’t read. It would be unfair to your customers.

JD: After reading your chapter on the Afterlife, I’m actually looking forward to dying. Is this a suicidal cry for help or just coming to terms with the inevitable?
EM: No, you’re not suicidal. Many people believe that the afterlife holds something wonderful. The good news is because you read my book, instead of all the goofy stuff your religion taught you, you now have a realistic expectation of the beyond. People spend their lifetime seeking those sorts of answer, and I gave them to you for $13.99.

JD: I learned so much from your book. For instance, I didn’t know The Three Wise Men were triplets (the picture clearly shows that.) Also, Alfred Hitchcock temped on one of his own movie sets. Didn’t know that, either. Do you have any other Hitchcock trivia you can pass along?
EM: Alfred Hitchcock is the only director to have real wings. Between takes, he would fly around the set and tell off color anecdotes to anyone who would listen.

JD: Woody Allen once said that he throws away 90% of what he writes. (I can only assume “The Curse of The Jade Scorpion” was written during a garbage strike.) What’s your ratio of hits to misses? (Maybe Woody’s keeping the wrong 10%. “Match Point” wasn’t funny at all.)
EM: It’s hard to say. There were various chapters that I wrote and then threw out and didn’t include. I also rewrote everything several times. I don’t know if there is a ratio exactly, but if I had come up with a formula for what resulted as my book, it’s probably ? + Y – 100 x 2,678,000 + Tears + Hot Three Way Action/ Party Time * 20 + a few swear words = The Will To Whatevs.

JD: I just saw you in a new TV show on the Cartoon Network called “Delocated” (Thursdays 10:30PM EST). You play a Russian hit man who accidentally kills Paul Rudd. Any chance he’ll start killing people we don’t like?
EM: No. There is no chance that the hitman from the show will kill celebrities you dislike. Sorry.

JD: The supporting players on “Flight of the Cochords” (HBO Sundays 10PM EST) all seem to be breaking into song this season, will we get to hear the lanlord belt one out?
EM: I can’t sing at al, so no. I think you’ll see me playing steel drums and DJing, but no singing.

JD: You’re only the second Russian born comedian that I know of. What else do you have in common with Yakov Smirnoff?
EM: We probably both appreciate America in a way that disenfranchised 19 year old college kids don’t. My guess is we both like Chinese food. And fish.

JD: Is there any question you want to answer that I haven’t asked?
EM: No. You have asked all the questions I was hoping you’d ask, in the order I hoped you’d ask them. It’s really uncanny. Thank you.
JD: No, thank you.

Thanks to Hillary Buckholtz for arranging this interview.